How To Be A Good Friend (Without Going Broke)

We know that our connections to our families, our friends, and our communities are SO important — so important that when we don’t maintain them, our health and our overall well-being can suffer. We also know that what it means to be a good friend has changed as our world has become ever-more connected by technology and less connected in person. 

According to a 2023 study from doctors at University College in London, lacking social connection qualifies as a risk factor for premature mortality, and is strongly associated with lower physical and mental health. Essentially, maintaining strong emotional bonds is what keeps us happy and healthy — and this trickles down into all other areas of our lives. 

Yet at the same time, we also know that making time to see our friends and family is getting harder and more expensive than ever. And it may feel like “enough” (yes that’s in air quotes) to sit on your couch while you text the people you love, but it’s really not. 

Maintaining our connections in real life is essential. Here’s how to be a good friend, without going broke in the process. 

WHEN SAYING NO, LEAD WITH AFFIRMATIVE BOUNDARIES

According to the Knot, the average cost of a bachelorette weekend is now hovering at $1,000 or more per person. (HerMoney’s Editor-in-Chief was invited to a wedding in Aruba last year that would have cost her and her husband $8,500 all in. They politely declined.) But even a $500 weekend can be too much sometimes. 

At this point, we’ve all been there: A friend invites you to a blowout bachelorette party in Nashville or a lavish birthday trip in Greece, and for whatever reason, a trip like that just isn’t in your budget. When saying no, friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson suggests leading with what she likes to call affirmative boundaries. 

“Rather than saying, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t,’ think about what you can do,” Bayard Jackson says. “So maybe say, ‘With some other things I’ve committed to financially, that’s not gonna fit into my plan, but when you get back, I am taking you on a lunch date and I want every detail,’ or ‘I can come for the first day, but because of work I need to get back. What can I do to make it up to you once you get back?’”

While it may be nerve-wracking to set financial boundaries with our friends, the right friends (true friends!) should be able to be compassionate for your situation. They’ll understand that while you can’t afford an expensive getaway right now, you still care and want to be there to support them.

DON’T LET SOCIAL MEDIA GET IN THE WAY

When planning a night out or a weekend with friends, take a moment to think about what you’re doing for fun (because you truly want to) vs. what you’re doing strictly for the ‘gram (because you think you should be seen doing it.)  “Many women tell me that if social media did not exist, it would make them think twice about the things that they did when they got together with their friends,” Bayard Jackson says. “A lot of us might think about our friendship hangouts in terms of the aesthetics, even if subconsciously, and that can certainly add up.”

There are so many other ways to be a good friend without posting up at the fancy new cocktail bar or spending hundreds of dollars at a concert. As an alternative, ask your friends if they want to go on a “hot girl walk.” The trend involves grabbing a friend (either by the hand, or virtually for a phone chat), your favorite hydration, and taking a long walk around your neighborhood for some good conversation.

ASK YOUR FRIENDS THIS SIMPLE QUESTION

According to a study from Civic Science, the loneliness epidemic is still going strong. Today, 48% of Americans reported sometimes feeling lonely, up from 45% in 2019. And it makes sense — our lives are busier than ever, and when we get swamped, our friendships tend to fall by the wayside. 

Allison Gilbert, co-author of the Joy of Connections with the late Dr. Ruth Westheimer,  says she was greatly impacted by a simple question that Dr. Ruth would always ask her before they parted ways: When will I see you again? 

“This question communicates so much,” Gilbert says. “It makes you feel seen. It makes you feel valued. And it makes [your friend] feel like [you] can’t wait until the next time. Tied up in this question is this undercurrent that they are a priority and that they’re important to you.”

So, the next time you ask yourself how to be a good friend, try asking your friend first: When will I see you again? 

MORE ON HERMONEY:

• The Best Apps For Meeting New Girlfriends in 2024
• Balancing Different Spending Styles While Vacationing with Friends
• How Much Will You Really Spend on Food and Drinks In Vegas? 

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