Like many other elements of relationships, our sex lives will ebb and flow over time. But during times of financial worry or struggle, you might have noticed that you feel less… in the mood. There’s a reason for that.
“When you’re worried about putting food on the table, tomorrow’s rent or just how to pay any bill, it can have an all-encompassing effect on your moods and, yes, financial hardship can overflow into the bedroom,” explains Dr. Ann Kaplan, CEO of iFinance.
But there’s good news — having financial security can improve your sex life, and get things back to where you want them to be. “The security of paying bills and even the wins of financial gains can have an impelling influence on our urges and can, in itself, be a significant libido booster, Kaplan says.
Here’s a look at some of the ways being in a good place with our money can positively impact our emotional wellbeing and sex lives.
Being Financially Secure…
…Improves your mood
When you’re anxious about the next billing cycle, your mood isn’t optimistic, let alone romantic. But when you feel secure in your ability to not only make ends meet but to thrive, you may feel more inclined to pursue emotional and physical fulfillment in your life. Dr. Kaplan points out that some studies show that men are more hostile to their wives when under financial strain; this hostility can lead to everything from less activity in the bedroom to the dissolution of the relationship. However, she says the opposite outcome happens when economic instability is addressed, and both partners work together in a better financial position; the cohesiveness can positively impact both partners’ mental health and the relationship as a whole.
…Gives you more time
When you’re financially secure, you already have two critical components of desire: resources and time, explains Elizabeth Dell, a sex educator and the founder of Amorus. If you have three jobs you’re running back and forth to, debt collectors calling, or a landlord you’ve got to ask for more time to pay the rent, you hardly have the bandwidth to think about sex.
“Pleasure and sexual desire blossom with time attention, and wither when given no care and feeding. When we are financially secure, we have the time and resources to focus on passion,” Dell says. “Whether that’s playing hooky for an afternoon, or a weekend hotel escape with a couples massage and 1,000-thread count sheets — indulging in our pleasure feeds desire. Being financially secure can give you the means to spend time on intimacy with a partner.”
Think about how you felt when you received a job offer you wanted or the pay raise you deserved. These money milestones improved your confidence and bolstered your sense of self. And guess what? When we’re self-assured, we’re more likely to be in the mood. “For example, you may not think that what you wear has any effect on your sex life, but when you feel good and confident, you will be more inclined to have sex, because confidence is half the battle. The same is true for the lifestyle you have and the surroundings you live in — the more comfortable and confident you are will be directly correlated to your sexual desires,” Dr. Kaplan says.
… impacts a healthy lifestyle
When you have money problems, these worries take up so much real estate in your daily thoughts. You often don’t even realize just how much of a toll your concerns are taking on you psychologically until you get your financial house in order. Think about it: When you don’t have to hesitate every time you make a purchase or pay a bill, you’re more likely to feel at ease and excited about each day that comes. As Dr. Kaplan says, purchasing without stress, having the freedom to consider a weekend away, a new car, or decorating your surroundings can be euphoric and uplifting. “If you think about it, the more money you have, the more likely you can afford things like nutritional foods, taking time off work, vacations, gym passes and the medical care for a healthy and positive lifestyle,” she continues. “If your physical health is poor, you are less likely to be thinking about engaging in sexual activity. So yes, money can buy you sex.”
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