Money is one of the top issues that cause couples to fight and even end up divorced. But we know that so much of that heartache could be avoided if we communicated more, and made an effort to have those difficult conversations before our relationships are struggling. Money is so emotional and so personal that it often feels easier to keep kicking these conversations down the road. But this is your nudge. It’s time to sit down and talk about money with your partner.
And Ramit Sethi says that these conversations can actually feel really good. That they can be something that brings you and your partner closer together, and that you just might even start to look forward to them. Because ultimately when you’re talking about money, you’re talking about the life you’re building together, and that’s a beautiful thing.
On this week’s episode of the HerMoney Podcast, personal finance expert Ramit Sethi joins Jean Chatzky to talk about his new book Money For Couples and how to have more productive money conversations with your partner so you can start to build your rich life together.
Money Talks Don’t Have to End in a Fight
Jean Chatzky: A new report from the Journal of Consumer Psychology says that people expect money talks to lead to an argument. In my mind, that’s just setting ourselves up for failure.
Ramit Sethi: In America, we have a very tortured love-hate relationship with money. We want money, but we don’t necessarily want to talk about it, manage it, or acknowledge our feelings about it.
Ramit Sethi: And consider that we only really talk about money when we are fighting. The reality is that most couples don’t talk about money until something goes wrong. Of course, we hate money because we’re not talking about it and connecting joy with money. [We need to ask ourselves] Hey, what’s our rich life? What’s all this work for? What do we get? That is how we start to change our relationship with money and make it positive, not negative.
Your Rich Life Starts with a Vision, Not a Budget
Jean Chatzky: I think this is what people miss is the romance in money. And the romance in money is in the dreaming about what this tool can actually do for you. Dream and then go back to the numbers and figure out what it’s going to cost, but you have to isolate the dream.
Ramit Sethi: I love it. Yes. You have to start with the vision, the dream, and the dream can be modest at first. When I was starting out my career in my early twenties, my rich life was simply to be able to buy appetizers at a restaurant because growing up, we couldn’t afford it. That was incredibly meaningful to me. Now, as my business has grown and my career has grown, I have grown my vision and so should you. But it’s important to know that your rich life is yours. So you each choose what your rich life is, but that dreaming is where the two of you come up with it together.
Why You Need A Retirement Money Talk
Jean Chatzky: A lot of the listeners to the HerMoney Podcast are at a point in their lives where they’re looking toward retirement. How do you suggest they plan for this phase of their life?
Ramit Sethi: Truthfully, most couples who are approaching retirement haven’t substantively talked about money in years. They may have talked about how they feel, they may have gotten in a fight about who spent more on whatever, but they haven’t sat down and said, what’s our vision? What do we want? How do we feel? And what do the numbers tell us?
Ramit Sethi: So this is an amazing opportunity to take stock of where we are. We’re about to enter a new chapter of life. It’s coming up. And, how do we feel? There’s going to be some things I like. There’s going to be some things I want to change. I’d love to hear from you. Let’s put it all out on the table because we have life left. Let’s make it a rich one. That is where that discussion begins.
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MORE ON HERMONEY:
- HerMoney Podcast Episode 380: Write Your Own Money Rules
- How Should Couples Split Finances? The Complete Breakdown
- What Is Adjusted Gross Income? 11 Tax Time Terms Explained
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