3 Things You Should Do To Protect Your Career Before You Have A Baby

Jessica Grose, author of, “Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood,” said she did everything by the book before she had kids. She was married, had a successful, thriving career, and was debt-free. Despite her doing everything “right,”  like so many women, she still wasn’t ready for the reality of motherhood.

The big reason? We live in a country that doesn’t make parenthood easy. For starters, the cost of childcare doesn’t make financial sense for many. According to a new study from Care.com, childcare expenses have skyrocketed in recent years. For daycare centers, the average cost per week for one child is $321 – that’s up 13% from 2022’s $284 average. Of course in some cities, it can be much, much more — In New York City, families spend as much as 47% of their income on childcare, which is completely unsustainable.

On top of that, women are on average paid less than men. For families who can’t find, or afford childcare, it’s often women who are expected to leave their jobs. According to one recent study, 52% of stay-at-home moms say that in order to rejoin the workforce, they would need access to more affordable care for their children. 

These two factors, combined with a number of others, make it increasingly difficult for women to stay on track with their careers after they start a family. “In the United States, we make parenthood much harder than it needs to be,” Grose says.

From gaps in employment to missing out on promotions, how can we balance motherhood and our desire to work? Jessica Grose says there are three things every woman should do before welcoming a new addition to set themselves up for success.

CHECK LEAVE POLICIES AT YOUR COMPANY

When Jessica Grose was pregnant with her first child, she had recently taken a new job in a leadership position but quickly realized she would not be able to work through her pregnancy. “I had hyperemesis, which is extreme morning sickness,” she says. “Think about the worst stomach virus you’ve had in your life, but there’s no end in sight. So that is really not compatible with holding down any kind of job, or much less, doing a good job.”

For Grose, the answer to her health issues was simple, or so she thought. After requesting to go on leave, she was shocked to find out that she wasn’t eligible because she hadn’t been with her company for a full year. Luckily, she was able to leave her job thanks to the safety net provided by her husband’s health insurance. “If I had not been in that situation, I don’t know what I would have done because I needed insurance, I needed to get my prenatal care, and I needed to have a stable financial life to have this baby,” Grose says. 

Grose’s situation serves as a warning for moms-to-be: Make sure you get all the details on your employer’s policies and find out how family-friendly they really are. This fact-finding mission should include talking with colleagues to get the real scoop on just how supportive you can expect your employer to be of new parents. Grose says she’s seen cases where when it comes to leave and other benefits, “anyone who takes them will be looked down upon, punished or sidelined so do your due diligence of talking to people who have been parents at these places and how it really goes for them.” 

DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR RADICAL FLEXIBILITY

Mckinsey defines “radical flexibility” for new parents as “allowing all employees to cut back to 60 percent of the work week or downshift to a less demanding role, knowing that they can ramp it back up when they’re ready.”

When Jessica Grose had her second child, it was important to her work from home on certain days and set her own hours (think, logging a few hours after the kids went to bed, or getting up early to squeeze in work before they got up for the day). Luckily, her employer was accommodating. “It was still the same number of hours, but there were some days that I would need to take an hour to nap on my lunch break. I was working really hard so there was no harm at all in allowing me that flexibility.”

Making the case to your employer for more flexibility can be nerve-wracking, but isn’t impossible. HerMoney CEO Jean Chatzky says the key is highlighting your value to the team. “Figure out what it is that you can deliver that other people can’t,” she suggests. “Figure out that thing that makes you invaluable. Do that and where you sit is not going to matter and it won’t impact your compensation.”

REACH OUT TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Jessica Grose wants all new parents to know that it’s ok (actually, more than ok) to ask for help when you need it. As women, we tend to have a more difficult time reaching out to others when we’re struggling, but Grose says it’s amazing how many people are happy to help you when they love you. 

“We have a lot of friends who don’t have kids and they love hanging out with our kids,” Grose says. “A couple of hours once a month is not asking for a lot and often, your friends are excited to hang out with your kids. Even if they’re not excited to hang out with your kids, they’re excited to help you when you’re having a hard time.”

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