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Why Being Financially Stable is Sexy

Lindsay Tigar  |  December 19, 2023

Being financially stable looks good on you. Here are the reasons it should also be a consideration in romantic relationships.

We all should be working toward being financially stable—but what does it mean, exactly? And why does it matter in relationships? Financial stability can mean different things to different people. But in general it means you can pay your bills comfortably, you’re on track with your money-related goals, you have little to no debt, and you can live the life you want. It doesn’t mean you are a millionaire, but it does mean that when it comes to your finances, they’re under control—and not a source of worry or fear. Can that be sexy? You better believe it.

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In many ways, being financially stable is a state of mind, says Dr. Cheryl Fraser, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. “Psychologically, financial stability is about knowledge, security, maturity, and transparency. You’re considered financially stable if you have clarity about how much money comes in and goes out, you pay your bills, you have a budget, you keep more than you spend, and you save for the future,” she explains. “Whether you work in retail or own the whole retail chain, you live within your means and can take care of yourself.”

When you reach this milestone, you may notice you feel more confident, more secure in who you are. And when it comes to seeking romantic partnerships, you may actually be sexier once you’re more financially savvy. Here’s why:


When you aren’t fretting about whether you can fill up your gas tank or put food on your own table, you have the mental and financial capacity for freedom. This means you don’t have to depend on anyone but yourself to meet your financial needs—so you don’t have to settle for just any partner, says Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “You don’t bend on those standards or alter them because you feel pressure to make it work because you lack financial power or influence,” she explains. “This freedom doesn’t mean you are unrealistic about the need to compromise and willingness to work on issues in the relationship as they arise. However, financial security allows you to state your needs without fear that you won’t be able to pay rent if someone asks you to manage or manipulate your values with the threat of being kicked out with no place to live or finances to protect yourself.”


There’s a saying that goes when you have no money; it’s all you think about. And when you have more than enough money to get by, you don’t think about it. With this in mind, it’s safe to say that financial stability often frees people up from stress and anxiety. In fact, it can even improve mood and lead to better health and general well-being, says relationship coach Susan Trotter, Ph.D. “Being financially stable also frees up time and energy and provides the space to do fun things,” she continues. “When people can create a full and joyful life for themselves, they can invite others in to enhance their lives.”


Though responsibility might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think about sex appeal—as you get older, it becomes higher on the list of must-haves in a romantic partner. Being financially stable shows that a person can be responsible because it means they know how to pay bills and are mindful of their money rather than spending mindlessly on items they don’t really need, says Julie Ramhold, a consumer analyst with “Financially stable people are less likely to give in to impulse and instant gratification—they know the value of holding off on frivolous purchases because the money is better spent elsewhere in many cases,” she says. “That doesn’t mean they aren’t fun or can’t be spontaneous; it usually just indicates they can do without going overboard.”


In the powerful words of Beyonce—the shoes on your feet? You bought ‘em. The clothes you’re wearing? Also bought those. You depend on yourself—and being able to purchase what you want without stress boosts your confidence. And it strengthens your values, all of which are attractive qualities in a romantic partner. “You get to have perspective about your talents, skills, and abilities to do hard things and handle your business,” Dr. McNeil explains. “You don’t have to rely on an external source to validate or determine your value. You have solid evidence of who you are and how strong you are.” And yep, you guessed it: that’s sexy AF. 


Though you may not be thinking about marriage and having children in your early 20s, if creating a family is something you want, it becomes a bigger consideration in your late 20s and early 30s. This means your ideal partner also cares about their future. So, if you’re spending recklessly and looking for someone to rescue you? That’s likely not going to float their boat. 

“Financially stable people tend to plan at least a little bit for the future, even if it’s just a consistent focus to build savings, whereas those that aren’t may be needlessly living paycheck to paycheck because they aren’t interested in anything beyond ‘now,’” Ramhold says. 

While living down to the dime isn’t always a choice for all, ideally, you would be working toward your future with every income stream and bill payment. 


Even if you don’t aspire to be the breadwinner in your family, having a steady income and financial security means you could take care of your partner (and potential children) if push came to shove. And while Ramhold says obviously you can’t judge a person entirely on their ability to pay your way to determine whether or not they’re a good fit romantically… it certainly can be an indication of the right mindset.


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