The Lies Women Are Told About Getting Ahead At Work (And Why We Shouldn’t Believe Them)

Very classy, very demure, very mindful…that’s how a new viral TikTok says we should be in the workplace.  In the video that has now been viewed over 3 million times, creator Jools Lebron says we need to bring the same energy to the job every day that we brought when we interviewed: Be presentable, wear minimal, clean makeup, and not take up too much space. Half the Internet seems to think she’s being facetious.  The other half…not so much.  It seems to agree that we should be bringing a muted version of ourselves to the workplace. 

Bonnie Hammer, Vice Chairman of NBC Universal and author of: “15 Lies Women Are Told At Work: The Truth We Need To Succeed” would beg to differ. She says work doesn’t have to be the place where we leave our “fun” real selves behind — not anymore. 

In fact, she says that by bringing our muted “work” selves to the office we’re really holding ourselves back. “Women really do believe they have to be serious, be responsible, and always look the part in order for other people to take them seriously,” Hammer says. “However, when you look at the guy’s world, they have been playing golf for decades with coworkers, they have fantasy leagues, they are going out for cocktails.”

As women, it’s important to embrace humor, collaboration, and going out together after a success (or a failure) at work. “We need to realize to be real and to be human does not mean you’re not going to be taken seriously,” Hammer says. 

Here are the top 3 lies Bonnie Hammer says are holding us back at work, and the advice we should be following instead.

LIE NUMBER 1: PERSONAL WORTH IS THE SAME AS PROFESSIONAL WORTH

Although we tend to feel they are wrapped up pretty tightly, our personal and professional worth are not the same thing. “The younger generation is demanding better pay, better hours, and better titles before they prove themselves,” Hammer says “That’s not how it works in the professional world. You have to prove your professional worth.”

Once you’ve worked hard and spent time proving your professional worth Bonnie Hammer says then you can “raise your hand for the promotion, but you have to get to that point and prove that worth.” On the other hand, she notes, we’re all born with personal worth, and nobody can (or should try to) take it away. 

LIE NUMBER 2: YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL

The lie that women can have it all at any one time is “incredibly damaging,” Hammer argues.  (For the record, we agree.) “When you’re between 30 and 40 and navigating the professional world, that’s the growth time,” Hammer says.  “The opportunities present themselves, but that’s also prime fertility years for women.” 

This dichotomy creates a feeling of frequently being out of balance. The solution…or road to a solution…lies in figuring out what’s at the top of your personal priority list and when.  That may mean starting a family, focusing on moving up in your career or trying to toggle between both. 

“Everyone’s ‘all’ looks different but “most importantly, it’s about understanding what your specific all is, defining it, prioritizing it, and knowing that you’re never going to have even that all the time. And over time, it’s going to change and that’s okay,” Hammer says. 

LIE NUMBER 3: FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

The biggest lie we’re told to believe? Follow our dreams and stop at nothing until we achieve them. Instead, Hammer says we should be saying yes to opportunities (that may have nothing to do with our so-called “dream job”) and seeing where those take us. 

“When you think about where our dreams come from, it’s usually whispered in your ear from your parents. It’s what they think you should be or what they didn’t get an opportunity to do,” Hammer says. “But we can’t dream what we don’t know and when we’re that young, how much do we really know about what’s out there?” Not much, it turns out. According to LinkedIn’s 2024 report, four out of the five top “jobs on the rise” didn’t even exist 20 years ago. 

Bonnie Hammer says that by following opportunities, not dreams “you’re not just going vertically, you’re going horizontally and creating a web that helps you grow in so many different directions that you have even more opportunities as you grow and get more experienced.”

MORE ON HERMONEY:

• 7 Reasons You Didn’t Get Promoted + What To Do Next
• How To Map Out A Long-Term Strategy For Your Career
• 3 Types Of Annuities To Secure Your Financial Future

More money news when you need it! Get the latest and greatest updates on all things investing, budgeting, and making money. Subscribe to the HerMoney newsletter at Hermoney.com/subscribe!