Breaking the Cycle of Empty Ambition

Ambition: it’s the fuel that powers success, and the drive to do more, be more, and have more… But what if that ambition isn’t leading us to happiness? What if, instead of fulfilling us, it’s trapping us in a cycle of constant striving, perfectionism, and an ever-elusive sense of satisfaction?

This week on the HerMoney Podcast, Jean Chatzky is joined by Keren Eldad to talk about why so many high-achieving women struggle with  “empty ambition” and how we can redefine success on our own terms. Eldad is an executive coach, TEDx speaker, and the author of Gilded: Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition, Perfectionism, and the Relentless Pursuit of More. 

The Difference Between Healthy Ambition and Empty Ambition

Jean Chatzky: What is empty ambition? How is it different from healthy ambition?

Keren Eldad: It’s the difference between high standards and perfectionism. Healthy ambition is wonderful. It feels great, it’s fulfilling, it’s purpose-driven and it really has you waking up eager for the day and inspired on a regular basis. 

Keren Eldad: Unhealthy ambition is punishing, it’s painful, it’s never enough, and it’s very hard to sustain. It feels like you’re up against some kind of ceiling almost all of the time. It’s filled with self-sabotage and three out of every five exchanges in your day just don’t feel right. That’s the way you start understanding that the dream life is actually not a dream life and that your ambition is in the direction of self-sabotage rather than in the direction of freedom.

Are You Stuck In A Gilded Cage?

Jean Chatzky: In the title of your book you use the metaphor of a gilded cage. Can you explain that imagery?

Keren Eldad: The gilded cage is a metaphor for my former life. When we last spoke, we talked about the fact that I was broke as a joke. I had a real problem and I decided to point everything in the direction of breaking free of that.  And if I could figure this out, anybody can. Don’t be afraid of financial issues. Be afraid of staying in a place that you don’t belong in and that’s filled with distress. 

Keren Eldad: Many people are very much enjoying their neurosis and I always say, have another helping, go for it. Another year in purgatory. I get it. I understand loss aversion and the game that the brain plays — it’s so obsessed with guarding “what is” that it’s not willing to consider playing to win. But the game of life, just like the game of finances, is about making the decision to turn your head in the direction of wins. 

Daily Habits to Break Free from Empty Ambition

Jean Chatzky: We get through the empty ambition, we break free, we’re in a newer, better place. What are the daily practices that can keep us from falling back into those harmful old patterns?

Keren Eldad: There are three habits that I would cultivate for the rest of my life. The first is self-soothing. When I make mistakes, I never say to myself, “You deserve to get fired.”  A second thing is, I keep a picture of myself as a baby in the office. I would never be mean to a baby. I like to remind myself constantly that she is still here and you don’t talk that way to yourself.  

Keren Eldad: The third thing that I practice is to remind myself that there’s nothing serious going on here. I can substitute my unhealthy fixations with healthy fixations. One of them is great television. A few weeks ago, I spent no less than five hours binge-watching a show on Netflix. It had zero value for my life, and it was delightful. Instead of the things that you know are driving you in the direction of destructive patterning, find ways to substitute this with habits that will really make your life soar.

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