The Conversations About Money Women Weren’t Raised to Have – And Why We Need to Start Having Them Now

There are books that entertain us, and then there are books that hold up a mirror. Belle Burden’s Strangers has done exactly that.

On the surface, it’s the story of one marriage unraveling. But the reason it has sparked so many conversations – especially among women – is because readers recognize pieces of themselves in its pages. Not necessarily the same circumstances, but the quiet compromises, the conversations that never happened, and the financial decisions that slowly became someone else’s responsibility.

Financial dependence rarely happens all at once. It’s usually the result of a hundred small decisions made over years. One partner naturally takes the lead on the finances. The other is relieved to have one less thing to worry about. Life gets busy. Careers evolve. Children arrive. Aging parents require care. And little by little, financial decisions become something happening around you instead of with you. Then life reminds us that nothing stays the same forever. A divorce. The loss of a spouse. A health diagnosis. An unexpected career change.

In those moments, many women realize they have lost sight of their financial plan – and perhaps even their financial voice. And without these, how much control do they really have over their future?

That’s why Strangers has struck such a powerful chord. It isn’t simply a story about one relationship. It’s a reminder that staying connected to your financial life isn’t about expecting the worst—it’s about making sure you have a voice in the decisions that shape your future.

At Willow, we’ve spent years listening to women navigate some of life’s biggest transitions: marriage, divorce, widowhood, caregiving, career changes, and retirement. One thing I’ve learned is that financial confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers. It comes from being willing to ask questions, stay engaged, and have even uncomfortable conversations.

The First Conversation: Know Your Own Financial Picture

One of the biggest lessons from Strangers is the importance of staying actively engaged in your financial life.

In many relationships, responsibilities naturally fall to one person. One partner may enjoy managing investments, while the other handles day-to-day expenses. That division can work well. Healthy partnerships don’t require both people to manage every account or make every decision.

But there is a difference between sharing responsibilities and stepping away from understanding. Every woman deserves to know where her money is, how decisions are being made, what assets exist, and what her financial future looks like.

The conversation to have:

“Do I understand my complete financial picture?”

That means knowing where your accounts are held, understanding how assets are titled, having access to important documents, reviewing beneficiaries, and feeling comfortable asking questions. You don’t have to be the financial expert in your household. But you do deserve to have a seat at the table.

A good place to start is by gathering copies of important documents: tax returns, bank and investment statements, retirement accounts, insurance policies, mortgages, trusts, wills, and any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements.

Then create a basic balance sheet. List your assets, liabilities, household income, and recurring expenses. It’s okay if you don’t know everything at this point – even an imperfect picture is better than operating in the dark.

The Second Conversation: Money Is About More Than Wealth – It’s About Freedom

When we talk about money, the conversation often centers around numbers: income, savings, investments, retirement accounts.

But money is also about choice. Financial agency gives women the ability to make decisions about their careers, relationships, families, and futures. It provides options when life doesn’t go according to plan.

This is why I encourage women to think of themselves as financially single—whether they are happily married, in a relationship, or single. Not because we should expect relationships to fail, but because every woman deserves the confidence that comes from knowing she has choices.

The conversation to have:

“Do I have the resources and knowledge to make decisions for myself?”

That might mean building personal savings, understanding your benefits, learning about investing, or simply becoming more comfortable asking questions.

Consider whether you have financial resources in your own name and access to money if you need it. That could include opening a bank account in your own name, if it is safe and appropriate, and establishing or strengthening your own credit through a credit card in your name.

Ultimately, the goal is to have the information, access, and ability to make decisions for yourself even when life doesn’t go according to plan.

The Third Conversation: Build Financial Partnerships Through Honesty

Money conversations are relationship conversations.

Before marriage or a long-term commitment, couples should talk openly about their financial histories, goals, spending habits, debt, and expectations for the future. And those conversations shouldn’t stop after the wedding.

The strongest financial partnerships aren’t built because two people approach money in exactly the same way. They’re built because both people are willing to communicate honestly and make decisions together.

The conversation to have:

“Are we aligned on the life we’re building together?”

That includes talking about:

• How you approach spending and saving
• Career goals and income changes
• Debt and financial obligations
• Family responsibilities
• What financial security means to each of you

It also means being willing to have conversations that many couples avoid—like prenups and postnups.

Many people view these agreements as planning for a relationship to fail. But clarity is not the opposite of love.

A prenup or postnup can be an opportunity to talk openly about assets, responsibilities, and expectations before emotions are high. Like estate planning or insurance, these conversations aren’t about expecting something to go wrong. They’re about making thoughtful choices together.

The Fourth Conversation: Stop Keeping Money Conversations Private 

One of the biggest barriers women face isn’t a lack of interest in money. It’s that we were taught money was something we shouldn’t talk about. We can talk about relationships, careers, parenting, and personal challenges – but money often remains off limits. That silence can leave women feeling isolated.

The conversations we need aren’t only with our partners. They’re with the people around us. Talk to your friends about salary negotiations. Ask how they approached buying a home. Share what you’re learning about investing or retirement. Talk honestly about financial mistakes and lessons learned.

The women in our lives are often some of our greatest sources of support—but we can’t support each other around money if we never discuss it.

The conversation to have:

“What can we learn from each other?”

Financial knowledge doesn’t only come from books or experts. Sometimes it comes from the women sitting next to us.

The Fifth Conversation: Prepare for the Future With the People You Love

Some of the most important financial conversations aren’t about today. They’re about preparing for what comes next. Many families avoid conversations about aging, caregiving, and inheritance until a crisis forces them to happen.

But these conversations are acts of care.

Ask your parents:

• Where are important documents located?
• What are your wishes as you age?
• Who should make financial or healthcare decisions if needed?
• How should family assets or inheritance be handled?

Talk with your partner about retirement:

• What does retirement actually look like?
• When do you each hope to stop working?
• How will caregiving responsibilities impact your plans?
• What kind of life are you building together?

Retirement isn’t just a financial milestone. It’s a life transition.

The Conversations We Have Today Shape the Choices We Have Tomorrow

Ultimately, Strangers reminds us that financial confidence is built through transparency, agency, and honest conversations. The goal isn’t to prepare women for a relationship to end; rather, to make sure no woman ever feels she has no choices because she doesn’t understand her own financial life. Money conversations are about having the knowledge and support to build the life you want and helping the women around you do the same.

Continue the Conversation

If Strangers has you thinking differently about your own finances, join us for Willow’s upcoming Empowering Her Finances workshop on Tuesday, August 25 at 12 PM ET. We’ll continue the conversation with practical steps every woman can take to better understand her finances, stay engaged in financial decisions, and feel more confident about the future.

Register for the Empowering Her Finances workshop here!*

Lacy Garcia is the Founder & CEO of Willow, an award-winning wealth accelerator for women and their families. Willow helps women beat an industry built for men, connecting you with vetted fiduciary advisors for wealth-building, financial planning and everything in between

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*For educational purposes only. Nothing presented during this webinar should be considered individualized investment, legal, or tax advice. Advisory services offered through Willow Partner Advisors, LLC, an SEC-registered investment adviser. Registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training.