Being a working parent isn’t easy. Most spend their time working 40-plus hours a week. All while striving to maintain healthy relationships and spending quality time with their families. If they can, they might squeeze in doing something for themselves.
Parents don’t have it easy. Working full-time and being a mom can be overwhelming and exhausting. But dads working and balancing their families also sees some strain. Most dads — about 52% believe their employer could do more to support their child care needs, according to the Modern Family Index. But even if they did get company support, more than one-third believe using those resources would negatively impact their performance reviews. Here are their best strategies for balancing full-time dads working and parenting.
Unplug After Work
“While it’s not easy to keep the smartphone away, I make sure that when I’m talking with my kids and my wife, I’m looking at them, not on the computer or my phone. If I happen to be working at home when they talk to me, I lower the screen or move so I’m focused on them. I also do whatever I can in my work schedule to attend their games and performances. I try to be there for them. Life is too fleeting and kids really do grow up too fast to not make time to be an active part of my kids’ and my wife’s life.”
— Mike Driehorst
“Be present when you’re home. Find the things your kids love to do and make time to do them. With my wife, we try for one date night a week (really a must), and at least one family outing together with the four of us (also a must).”
— Jesse Alexander
“Balance is an inherently labor-intensive activity. Think about how your body is always responding to different information and adjusting to maintain balance. It’s the same with a family – we are constantly reacting and shifting our time commitments and priorities to make sure family stays at the top. We all have different roles at work and roles in our families. Of all the tools and tricks to managing these roles, none is more important than maintaining a mindset where the family is the priority and requires presence of mind. It is the most important role of all.”
— Derek Riedle
Decide On Your Values
“As simple as it may sound, you just do it. I usually work really hard Monday through Friday and leave my weekends for only doing family things. During the week, I try to balance my time with whichever family member needs the most attention at the moment. I think you must look into your heart and clearly define what you value most, and decide how to balance the work-life journey.”
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Make your Time Intentional
“Be intentional about time. Whether it is at work or at home, be all there when you are there. If you are all in at work, you can be effective and efficient. When you’re at home, be all there. Your family should be the most important people in your life. Treat them that way. Pay attention to them when you are together. Turn off your work notifications (there’ll be plenty of time to check them later). If you let other things take your attention away from your family and your spouse, there will be a price to pay. You have to make a commitment to your family — 5 o’clock (or whatever your quitting time) is the end of your workday. There is nothing you can do over an hour or two that can’t be accomplished the next day.”
— Matthew Coleman
Leave Work at the Door
“Balancing work and family can be very tough. There are bills to pay, yet at the end of the day our little ones grow up so fast! The best thing you can do when entering your home is to leave your work at the door if you can and jump right into being with your wife and kids. It’ll make for a better quality time which is important for both you and your family in every regard from fatherhood and marriage to health and happiness.”
— Stuart Conover
Prioritize What’s Most Important
“It’s really hard to balance all the demands. The important thing is to prioritize those things that are the most important. While I may like going out to the bar with my friends twice a week, it’s far less rewarding than spending quality time with my wife and daughter.”
— Ian Wright
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Communicate With Your Partner
“In general, I think a successful dad work-life balance has a lot to do with listening to your partner and doing your best to meet [their] needs while at the same time earning enough to pay bills and save. Forming your work schedule around your family is a sign of love and respect, whereas forming your family time around your work is an act of neglect.”
— J.R. Duren
Money Isn’t Everything
“I am a stay-at-home father of two sons. I had a good corporate job until I left a couple years ago when our second son was born. [My wife and I] were always concerned about our finances and saved a lot. Eventually, we did our calculations and found that if I didn’t work we could still lead a very good lifestyle from a financial perspective, plus spend so much more time with the family. My advice to a lot of dads is to realize that working longer and harder is a tradeoff, and a lot of times the extra money you’re making you will never spend. Instead, you can forgo that extra money and spend more time with your family.”
— Andrew Van Fossen
Success Comes at a Price
“Unfortunately, my success came at the price of long hours and evening exhaustion. I started neglecting my family and especially my wife. My wife and I recently reconciled after being separated for 2.5 years. In the end, the time apart showed us some valuable lessons. We never hated each other — we got along pretty well, all things considered. We just decided that we couldn’t live together anymore. But through the time apart, we realized that for anything we might’ve gained through separation, it couldn’t make up for what we lost as a family. We decided we would move forward in life together, committing to each other, learning from our mistakes, and depending on each other. We just had an offer accepted on a beautiful house and will be bringing the family back together again.”
— Matthew Coleman